It has been a while, I have been struggling with so many uncertain factors in my life. I am just over 21 and I feel like I have understood the whole purpose of life. So, sometimes, I ponder, why is everyone doing whatever they are doing?
It makes me intrigued that people push themselves through so many hardships for raising their children who are probably someday gonna forget about their parents.
Many People in this world waste their lives debating and arguing over things that don’t really even matter if you look from a distance.
My mind, while pondering about various things, sometimes takes me back to the days when I was a teenager or when I was a little kid. I don’t remember much about the time when I was a kid but I surely remember that I loved watching those cartoons.
Doraemon and Power Rangers were my favorite. I even used to watch that C.I.D. show on Sony TV. I know that I won’t like watching those shows at this point in my life but I obviously enjoyed watching them at that time.
From this incident, I think that I probably won’t like watching whatever shows I watch right now, a few years or decades later (if I survived until then).
Talking about uncertainties, when I was a kid, I never used to assume that I may die before fulfilling any of my dreams. In school, I just used to focus on my school friends and at home, I just used to focus on my TV. Nothing else.
When I used to plan things, like my marriage (all kids do such type of stuff I guess) or my house or my future life, I never thought about things in terms of probabilities. But, now I have started thinking about everything in this very strange manner.
I feel offended by people who dream, who don’t think the way I do. I feel uneasy when people make wide proclamations, which I know are quite impossible. They are dreams. I used to think that being a dreamer is a good thing.
But, I guess, my intense battle with myself has caught me off guard and has induced in me, some strange way of thinking.
People believe that 2020 is a really bad year. Because we have spent most of it inside the four walls of our houses. But, I don’t know, I keep myself from making wide proclamations like those.
You can never know, what might turn good for you and what might turn bad. But most normal human beings don’t use their brains in that way.
The way I think i.e. where I try to accommodate all possibilities isn’t particularly bad in most situations, it actually helps me in understanding the problems I face, except the fact that I can never properly accommodate all the possible uncertainties in my calculations.
Also, sometimes I am unable to hedge the risk for uncertainities that i know of. This frustrates me. But, I am learning to live with myself and would probably get through this “crisis” of mine.
Honestly, after writing this thing down, i have already started feeling better. I hope this battle of mine with myself would be over sooner than i think.